insomnia

Insomnia is most often defined by an individual's report of sleeping difficulties.

 huah,i can't sleep.. it happens alot since i was ajunior hgih student..
but my insomnia got so much better nowadays..
i was staying awake for 2 or 3 days at junior high and didn't get enough sleep..
i think it's better for me to do some homework..
zzzzzz

happy night :)

it's happy time for me..
my parents and i (yeah, only me) went together
i feel like i'm the only child
it was great
nothing special actually (went to PIM ate at Burger King order the whopper and then doing my homework after having such a big meal for dinner alone) but it was just great to be the only child and hang out with my parents..
yeah i was at the Burger King alone and my parents looking for anything that they wanted to buy at the metro sale..
but it was just great..
i am so happy..

middle child syndrome

yup i am a middle child..
i've got alot of think to tell but i can't write it down because my head and my hand or tongue is not connected that well
and i am an introvert person<=== it's not my fault or my parents but it's just the way it is.. the way God wants it for me..

Technically, middle children are those who are born in between two or more siblings. Being born in between is a bigger problem than what we think. Before we cite the characteristics of middle children, let’s take a brief view of the some birth order traits, here goes. The eldest child is theleader, often he has strong decisive qualities that allow him to make firm decisions. This may be due to the expectations and special attention given to him by his parents. The youngest child is often lax and confident, probably the loudest and sometimes spoiled because the parents have used up their energies disciplining the others. The youngest is not much pressured than the eldest but never the less, she is given the attention she deserves. The middle child is then left with the biggest problem, what role could he/she take in the family?

The middle child, unlike the others, is not given much attention. The following are just some characteristics that define middle children. Note that not all of them or maybe even none may be observed in middle children. Middle children have low self-esteem. They need support for anything they do, sometimes talents are wasted when they do not pursue their dreams. Middle children have a feeling of emptiness.They are always lonely and are jealous of others. This is a very broad trait, since it affects every aspect of their lives. They may be a little weird, unfriendly and even worse, psychotic because of this feeling of emptiness. The two traits mentioned above can interact differently with different personalities. For example, an introvert middle child may prove to be more depressed and lonely than the extrovert middle child. There are a lot of possibilities for middle children, but the results are mostly negative. (taken from http://middlechildpersonality.com)

yeah it's absolutely true for me, being the middle child really sucks

 I am not generalizing this statement, because middle child syndrome is very real. It is a condition that continues to affect millions of people around the world, including me.

I hate my middle child personality, it is like a disease inside me. I have never felt I truly belonged. All the attention were given to the first and last child. I feel that everything I do goes unnoticed, sometimes it seems that I was not intended to be part of the family. Middle children are the black sheep of the family. Middle children are the outcasts. Yes, I was always aware of middle child personality, they say that middle children are underachievers and inferior compare to our siblings. I personally do not believe this. Since I was a kid, I was driven to achieve things just to be noticed. While being successful at being praised and honored, I still didn’t feel loved at all.

I think middle children are really talented individuals. Well, I’m not a professional artist, but I can say that I’m pretty artistic compared to my other siblings. But still, I always feel that there is something lacking, that feeling prevents me from pursuing my dreams and ambitions. I feel that before I can live my life, I must first move on from the past, which is very hard to do. I hope that all these will pass, and one day I will look at myself and be proud of who I am and what I have achieved, not for the acceptance of others, but for myself.

I strongly believe that good parenting must be practiced by all aspiring parents. In this way, unloved children like me would not continue to suffer. Middle children deserve better.

But being a middle child is not only all cons, middle children are also known for their determination and passion. Here is a short list of famous middle children: Bill Gates, Madonna, Donald Trump, Princess Diana, etc. After hearing these big names, there is simply no excuse for you to be depressed.

So what can you do to move on?

First, forget about the past. Do not always bring back sad and painful memories. Instead, think of joyful memories in your childhood. Build on these thoughts and try to live a happy life.

Second, start with yourself. Do not expect everyone to immediately change to fit your needs. You should be the first to show them that you have changed. Try to show them that you care, and you will be rewarded a hundredfold.

Lastly, always put God in the center of your life. He is always there, always looking after you. Begin each day by praying, thanking God for all the gifts you have received from Him.

After following these guidelines, all you have to do is wait and you will see that everything and everyone around you will soon begin to change.

…

“The more difficulties one has to encounter, within and without, the more significant and the higher in inspiration his life will be.”

Horace Bushnell

poems from someone

Anak tengah, anak tengah…

Oleh Dian Yunita,

Dia pemberontak…
Ya, dia anak tengah

Dia lari lagi dari rumah..
Ya, dia anak tengah

Dia selalu merasa dibedakan…
Ya, dia anak tengah

Dia selalu membuat ceritanya sendiri
Ya, dia anak tengah

Dia antara ada dan tiada
Ya, dia anak tengah

Dia bisa kesana, bisa kesini
Ya, dia anak tengah

Dia setengah-setengah
Ya, dia anak tengah

Ough…anak tengah…anak tengah…






but i think i am lucky, because God made me the most intelligent child among my brothers

third day on the campus

okay it's the 3rd day since the 2nd semester starts..
i enjoy the lessons (bismillah it's true)
but i love statistika deskriptif the most <=== not that hard
hehehe
i love my life (alhamdulillah)

lesson here i come

okay it's 1 day and 11 hours until the first class in 2nd semester..
OH NO!! (apaansih lebay!)
i love holiday but i love the money when i am not having a holiday (plak, ditabok!)
the lessons are : pemograman visual, kalkulus 2, statistika deskriptif, praktikum sistem operasi, matematika diskrit, praktikum pemrograman visual, konsep sistem informasi, bahasa inggris 2, sistem operasi
fiuhh even writing and seeing that was so scary..okay it's not i gotta admit that'll be a wonderful time (i hope)
i gotta get some sleep..
hope my score will be perfect this time..

this is what happens when u'r not famous at school

okay i'm gonna write in my own word (betawi) this time because it's complicated words that u don't have in english (lebay)

ok gatau harus mulai darimana, waktu lagi seru-serunya ol sambil ngaskus gan eh ada orang bernama .........(sensor) nge chat gw oke gw tanggepin gw pikir dia kenal gw karena gw tau dia satu smp sama gw dan ternyata dia gak kenal sama gw wahahaha
ini nih screenshootnya

ahahahahaa sumpah ini nih akibatnya kalo lo gak dikenal di smp ato sma lo..

jadi temen seangkatan aja gakenal

tapi sumpah itu cowok malesin bgt deh..

termasuk kategori alay juga sepertinya..

hahahaha

college life

yeah i'm a college student in the 2nd semester majoring IT in one of private university in jakarta

i'm 17 years old, quite young among the students in my major

my major only has 1 class and it's the first generation there..

for now on i'm having a long holiday since 28th of january until 20th february..

*well i've never thought that i'll becoming a geek, i was dreaming that i could be an architect

because i love beautiful building since i was a kid

i choose IT because i got a scholarship in the university, i don't want to make my parents worry about the cost

(my mother especially)

they call me "anak gratisan" lol

because since elementary until now i always got a scholarship.

it's not something i have to proud of, i am just a lucky person..

i'm not smart either, i'm different with other student..

okay that's all i got in my mind..

me

okay talking about me..
yeah right me..
i'm a middle child, i've got 2 brothers. 1 big brother and 1 lil brother.
i'm padangnese but i think i am indonesian because my parents aren't fully padangnese.
starts from my mother, she's mixed of padangnese and javanese but when her family gather it's more like a turkish family lol.
and my father he's pure padangnese i guess because he never told me that he has a anynese or anykish blood, but when his family gather it looks like deutsch or europe family..
i've got an uncle when i went to a mall or place the waiters would ask him in english because he doesn't look like indonesian person at all..
i've got a middle face.. when i gather with my mother's family i fit and when i gather with my dad's family i also fit..
but when i am alone my friends always ask "eh elu orang arab ya?" maybe because my eyebrows and hair color..
lmao
i've got some pets : 2 owls, a civet, a dog(i put him in my grandmothers place now, but i visit him twice in a week or more), a hedgehog.. i used to own a snake but i have to sell him because i don't like mouse..
i like brown, black, baby blue and grey colours..
i love chocolate, and many others food
my favourite drink is water, pure water, mineral water, drinking water and cold water LMAO
i use number 10 for man in shoes such a big feet for girl, i love sneakers..
hmm what else important?
okay i am now in 2nd semester wish me luck to have a best GPA
i love my self..i love my family, i love my pets..

fishing

today i went fishing to cibadak sukabumi..
and i could see gunung gede what a holiday..

i'm really tired, i gotta feed my civet..
i'll update this post tomorrow..

random..AGAIN?!

okay, the things just come up from my brain..
i remember my friends said : "waktu sd pengen cepet smp, waktu smp pengen cepet sma, waktu sma pengen cepet kuliah, waktu kuliah pengen cepet kerja, trus kalo udah kerja kalian pengen apa lagi?"
i've never thought that kind of thing, i enjoyed my elementary, junior, senior and now my college life..
am i that weird? i know i am a geek..
see ya..

my civet

my civet is just like a dog for me..
his name's anchor..(i just love the way it sounds rawr)
well i do have some pets but the civet is very exotic for me LOL
yeah right my parents don't like all of my pet i don't know why they just don't like it..
okay it's not like what you think..
i didn't buy all of them, my brother did it but he's only takin' care of them well for a moment and i gotta do the rest until they die or i die..
you gotta know that ur pets only have you..
my civet eats almost everythin' but he doesn't like meat and chicken he ran away when i gave him a meat or chicken but he only drinks milk yeah right milk (my friend told me that i don't even drink milk to save money)..
the food that my civet loves : banana, baby food that taste banana, papaya, mango, etc
anchor in a pose

well guys whoever read my blog please take care of ur pet don't let them down because they have things to tell here they are the promises that they want u to keep

1. Give me time to understand what you want of me.

2. Place your trust in me. It’s crucial to my well-being.

3. Be aware that however you treat me I’ll never forget it.

4. Before you scold me for being lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me.

5. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don’t understand your words, I do understand your voice when it’s speaking to me.

6. Remember before you hit me, I have teeth that could hurt you, but that I choose not to hurt you (okay my civet loves to bite me but that's fine because it's not hurt at all, he is doing it because he wants to play with me) .

7. Take care of me when I get old.

8. You have your work, your entertainment, and your friends. I have only you.

9. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be painful for me.

10.Go with me on difficult journeys. Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember I love you…

another random post

it's been 2 days i didn't post anything..
yesterday i went to garut, nothing is important to tell..
but there's something i went to many places but i love situ mbahgenit the most (actually it's bagendit but i like to say it mbahgenit) because the place is so (what do you call that?) i was falling asleep at the saung..
what a nice place to heal!

 

 and i could see mountains, especially gunung guntur..
*beautiful mountain

that's all i gotta feed the civet my civet

random

this is so random, suddenly I'd like to learn how to design a great blogspot..

actually, i should've learnt about math first..

okay that's all i got from my brain..

i need to feed my civet now..

see ya, for other random post..

random

okay let's talk about my feeling now..
i know i am not smart enough but it's not fair for me..
my GPA is bad..
it's less than 3, i'm afraid that i'll lost my scholarship if i won't make it next term :(
well i thought that it wouldn't be that bad..
my daily score is great most of them are more than 80 but yeah my mid term and final test wasn't that good..
i write this down on this blog because i don't know what shoul i do, i can't cry..
it's too embarassing, i've done my best i study harder than i used to but it's just not enough..
next term, i'm not gonna waste my time..
i'm not gonna let my mother down because of me..
GANBATE  for me!